April Target Hit!

I was a bit worried about this target, I was away for the weekend a week ago and I think I lost my tiny mind a little bit!


We go away with friends every now and again and I go with every good intention in the world of behaving myself and just drinking wine in the evenings and going out during the day and working some nice exercise calories up and sticking within my targets. Then everyone buys chocolates and cakes and crisps and leaves them open in front of me!


I swear, I'm like a crack addict set down in front of a mountain of top grade charlie!  I even brought back 2 hot cross buns that they don't sell where I live so that I could savour them!!


I am a sick puppy.


Malteasers are alright though right? Right??


Anyhoo.


Got home and back onto the wagon big style.  Got into Jillian Michaels 30 day shred again - finished level 2 and did day 1 of level 3. Ouch. Back to that tomorrow *shudder*.


Have had a nice swim (learning butterfly stroke at the minute! I know!), did some exercise biking and am in the process of (with dearly beloved) doing up an old bicycle in order to start learning to ride!! I am incredibly excited by this prospect :D  I know there's going to be a bit of falling down and some scraped knees and stuff, but I don't care, I *want* to be able to ride a bike. I *will* learn to ride a bike!!


So! Weighin!  I set a target of 12 stone 7 pounds for monday and when I stepped on the scales I was pleasantly surprised by:

12 Stone 5.25 Pounds

Which was very nice indeed.

So I'm hereby setting a new target for 30th April of 12 Stone 2 Pounds.  That will get me to the threshold of a new decade of lbs (170) just in time for my 31st birthday (yikes)!

Oh, also, my leisure centre membership has changed. Which means I'm going to be able to go to the fitness suite as well as the pool. This opens up the possibility of my starting jogging.....  Interesting developments abounds!


Till next time!!


xx

Enough of this!

Right, it's a day early for coming off my 1200 calorie kick, but I have been feeling sluggish and lethargic for the past 3 days and I don't really want to keep going with it anymore.


I don't have an awful lot of weight left to lose and I don't want to do my workouts harm by not taking in enough fuel to keep it going at maximum.


So, going back to the old BMR Calculations:



655+(781.9125)+(324.3)-141=1620.2125 = BMR
*1.2


=1944.255 = Total Daily Calorie Expenditure


So that gives me a maintenance number of 1944 calories.


With allowances for my exercise, I will set my loss at half a pound a week.  This gives me about 1694 calories for a day.


Much nicer.


So that's where I'm going to be from now on.


Myfitnesspal has given me about 1750 cals so I'll use that as a nice guide to stick within:


1694 - 1750 cals


This past week I  have been eating way under my number, which is probably part of why I've been feeling so rubbish.  I've got to the point today where I really want to binge like a crazy person to make up for the unders this week!


SUNDAY ROUND UP


231
384
140
1
64
(-140)  +
-------------
680


1200*6=7200-680 = 6520 for a week. Which really is not very much at all.


So, I've had enough of that :)


CALORIE ++ :)


The only thing that I've started to wonder about, is if I'm calculating my activity level correctly. I count my daily activity level as sedentary as when I'm in work I tend to spend the entire day sat down.  I do know though, that I'm a heck of a lot more active than I used to be at the beginning of this. So should I set my activity level slightly higher? It's a bit hard. Will stick with sedentary for now I suppose, I just want to be able to eat more food :)


I have three days this week in order to go to the swimmers and indeed do some DVD work (really could do with a bit of strength training).


Then I have some friends visiting for a few days.  I hope to get out for a nice long walk one of those days with them, but it may end up being a bit of a diet disaster! Thankfully the girl that's visiting is also on a January health kick, so she will be able to keep me in check :)


Ok that'll do for now!


Buh bye!

Christmas is coming LRD is only a little bit fat

Hello!

It's been a while since I've felt the need to express myself on this as I've been messing about a little bit more on http://www.Myfitnesspal.com a bit more recently.  Nothing terribly exciting, just acting like I know what I'm talking about and generally being a bit of a pain in the arse.  

However, I weighed in today and felt the need to talk a bit about it.

I've been hovering about the 13 stone mark for a wee while now - I was beginning to wonder if it was going to be a finish mark for me. I'm pretty happy with my body at the moment. It does everything that I'm asking it to do on a regular basis and the fact that I have to tighten the seat belt on an airplane seat now just tickles me to death :D

This morning I stepped onto the scale after a pretty good couple of weeks drinking and eating and partying for the festive season. Fairly confident in the knowledge that I really didn't deserve a loss.  Hoping that it hadn't gone up too much.

12 Stone 11.75 Pounds

Can you believe that? 

I have left my weighin for a couple of weeks since the snowboarding escapades as my muscles had swollen and put on about half a stone of water weight (period week too) so I decided to leave it.

I've still been counting calories, but I've not been jumping on the scale morning and night for a while now. It's quite weird to feel yourself changing habits.

Anyway, another thing I've done now is I've upped my calories and decreased my defecit again.

Isn't that a beautiful thing? "Marginally overweight"  I would have given my right arm for this point back at the beginning! 

Anyway, that number means that eating a 1lb a week calorie deficit number nowadays would be far too little to keep up a healthy metabolism. (If what I've read on the fitness forums are to be believed) Plus, I want to start learning to eat like a normal human being now and a few more calories to play with are a good thing.

So, I have a limit of 1750 per day, I exercise as often as I can throughout the week and do my best to eat back all the calories that I earn from that.

We'll see how much damage I do over Christmas, but it's nice to flirt with the 170's for the end of the year :  179.75lbs!

If I don't post again I wish everyone a very very Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings etc, but most of all a peaceful, prosperous and healthy 2012!

"Don't you lose too much!"

I had to share this, cause I didn't think that anyone would ever say it to me, but I've had 2 in a week now.


Todays weighin went as follows:

12 Stone 13.25 Pounds

How good is that?!?!

Anyhoo, I'm currently at 181.25lbs in weight, 13.25 lbs in the overweight range of BMI and about 31lbs from my final goal.


This week 2 people have said to me "Have you much more to lose? Your face looks so thin now, you don't want to go too far!"


Hilarious!!


I realise that a lot of people can take these things to extremes, but I have got a final goal in sight. I'm not going to let other people giving me compliments (as lovely as that is and please don't stop!) to sidetrack me from getting to a healthy weight.


HOWEVER


I am very close to the time when I think I will have to rethink what I'm doing.


I've been on a calorie deficit for a 1lb loss per week for a good few months now, and I have to say, it's been going pretty well. I am however now thinking about lowering my defecit again.  


I read an article on myfitnesspal this week that hit home with me on how my body really works. 


I need to work on my muscles. That means I really should be doing more strength training (nothing too extreme, body weight resistance stuff and a few hand weight exercises) and upping my fuel intake.


The gist of the article was that as your bmi gets closer to a healthy range, you run the risk of using your lean muscle as fuel instead of the fat that's left in your body when you exercise (or indeed as you just exist!).  In order to overcome that, you actually need to eat more! Now, not a bucketful of KFC kind of more, still the same nice healthy things that you've been enjoying with a large defecit so far.


So, I'm not quite ready to make the step yet, but I think, after Christmas I will re-evaluate my diet and my goals and see where I am.


Hopefully in a position where I haven't gone bonkers barmy over Christmas and gained too much!


Food for thought.

Halloween Target Day

Well, it's the first target after the ultimate target. 


Things have slowed down to a canter and I have achieved what I wanted to achieve today.


Slowly but surely, it's all going in the right direction. Did I mention slowly?


Anyhoo....


This morning LRD stepped on her scales and the numbers said:

13 Stone 6.5 pounds

So that's nice, I'm more or less back at what I was just before I went off to Italy on holiday and ate all of their produce.

I really would have liked to have had more off, but I went to a party on saturday night and drank wine. Naughty, naughty wine. Also ate cake. Naughty, naughty cake.

So I'm not distraught about the slow burn really, I know what I did and didn't do, so yeah. All's well.

I've set myself the next target as you'll see on my twitter page: http://twitter.com/lastresortdiet 

Next target is for a wedding that I'm going to on the 10th of December, so, I'm really gonna work hard and try to get 6.5lbs off by that Monday the 5th December, which will get me to the 13 stone boundary (dammit I want to get to that number so much!!).

An extra treat for you today!

Pumpkin and Vegetable Risotto - Serves 2 gluttons like me and Dearly Beloved - Serves about 3 - 4 normal humans:

Half an Edible Pumpkin - Peeled and chopped into pieces approx 2 inches

3 Cloves of Garlic - Peeled and Crushed with the back of a knife

150g Risotto Rice

Approx 1 Litre Stock - I used Chicken stock

1 Courgette - Roughly Chopped

1 Red Onion - Chopped in Rings

1 Red Pepper - Roughly Chopped

1 Can (410g) Haricot Beans 

Large Sprig of Sage chopped

Salt and pepper

Glug of Olive Oil

Knob of butter

Glass of white wine

Preheat the oven to approx 180 degrees Centigrade

Place the Pumpkin and the Garlic in a roasting dish and cover with some olive oil, half of the sage and some salt and pepper to season. Put into the oven for 10 minutes.


After 10 minutes add the Courgette and Red Pepper to the dish and cook for a further 10 minutes.


At this stage make up your chicken stock and place in a pot on a low heat to keep it warm.  


In another pot, melt the butter over a medium heat and add the rice to it once the butter has melted. Stir till the rice is coated and warmed through. Add the glass of white wine, stir till the white wine is encorporated.


Add the Red onion to the veggies.


Add the stock a ladle at a time stirring over a medium heat till half the stock is used.  Add the beans and stir more.


Continue with the rest of the stock a ladle at a time till the rice is no longer absorbing and has gone nice and soft.


Take the vegetables out of the oven when ready (this may be before the risotto rice is ready, so keep an eye on it!) 


Add the rest of the sage to the veggies, then add the veggies to the rice.


Stir


Add parmesan and seasoning to taste. 


Enjoy!


I made this tonight. It was darn good :)

Back from the land of bread and cheese

Remember how I was worried about going on holiday and going a bit mental (I may have only voiced this worry on twitter) with my eating and drinking and screwing up a load of good work and I was intending on being really good and doing loads of walking and behaving myself?


Yeah, that kinda didn't happen......


Did you know, that the bread and cheese and wine and ice cream in Italy is nicer than any others in the entire world?


I KNOW!!!


Insane.


It is though.


Let me tell you about the Amarena Cherry, and how it makes me eat ice cream in a way that is deserving of the worst ice cream headaches in the world.


http://7streetmarketplace.com/Amarena-Fabbri-Wild-Cherries-in-Heavy/M/B004TSU3RE.htm?traffic_src=GB&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=GB&id=uk

These little bad boys here.


They are the most delicious sour cherries preserved in a glorious sugary syrup that tickles your taste buds in a way that I can only describe as heavenly.  You pop the cherry at the front of your mouth and let the sour juice and the sweet syrup flow down your tongue to the back of your throat and just savour every miraculous second of it.


*ahem*


sorry, got a bit carried away there.


Anyway, I had a fair few of those.....


The majority of any exercise I did was overwhelmed by the utterly delicious food and wine that I drank in copious quantities.


So I do feel a little bit guilty now, however, I feel so much more relaxed about everything weight loss related now. I had been going a little bit mental about it all just before the holiday. Constantly tracking and reading and thinking about what I was going to be eating the rest of the week.


I have put a few pounds on this week (I think I'm going to skip official weigh in this Monday and just weigh in on target day - 31st October) but I've put myself on a week of maintenance 1200 calories to try to calm myself down. Remind myself that I don't need to sit in the kitchen all night slicing up a block of Manchego cheese into slivers devouring it on water biscuits.


I am glad to be home and back in control now though.  It makes me feel good that I know that I can go away and indulge myself for a week and then come home and get right back to good habits again. I know for a fact that in the past I would have carried on being that indulgent in the past and undone *months* of good.

weighin 26/09/2011

Good morning world! I gots me my 8 stone lost award this morning :D


Totally thrilled about it. Just hope it isn't a fluke or something that's going to kick me in the teeth next monday. 


(Stop it LRD, enjoy the success, don't try to cut your legs out from under yourself already)


Ok, ok, I'm sorry. So yeah! 8 stone gone forever!  

13 Stone 7.75 Pounds

2.25lbs this week, which is pretty darn funky.


Calorie deficits from tracking this week are:


Monday - 553
Tuesday - 26
Wednesday - 131
Thursday - 573
Friday - 334
Saturday - 45
Sunday - 173


Grand Total of - 1835


That's deficits below my goal of 1570 per day which is already a deficit of approx 500 per day, so if I tot that up over 7 days that's 3500 calories 


3500+1835 = 5335 weekly calorie deficit.


To be fair that doesn't add up to 2.25lbs as 1lb is 3500 calories. So I'm maybe burning more than I think I am or my body is still in overdrive from a few weeks holiday. Nonetheless I'm pretty sure it'll slow back down to a pound a week pretty soon. Fun to do the sums though right? :D


(Ain't myfitnesspal great? :D)


To the week ahead then. I have a couple of pretty good weeks coming up, I will be able to do some good exercise today, Thursday and Friday as well as Monday - Thursday all next week. So that's cool. Hope to get plenty of swimming practice in over those few days too.


I really hope the enthusiasm doesn't go off me. I just need to keep imagining myself swimming off the shores of Queensland! 


Next swimming lesson is tonight and sadly I haven't been able to get to the pool between then and now, so I will not have improved one iota. I don't like not getting some practice in-between lessons, but this was the only time that she could fit me in this week, so I'll have to make do with it.  Will make sure that there's plenty of practising between tonight and the next lesson. *shakes finger at self sternly*


Anyhoo, enough rambling.  Time to go and do a DVD. Or the exercise bike....I do have the last ever episode of the Gilmore Girls to watch.......

Enthusiasm

I honestly can't remember the last time I have felt this excited about anything.


Apart from Christmas.  I still feel like a 4 year old when Christmas comes round and we get to put the tree and the lights and the decorations up.  Best things ever.


I digress. 


I'm excited! 


Today I have my second swimming lesson!! It's so funny, but I can feel myself reverting back to how I was when I was taking my driving lessons, or indeed when I was learning something new back at Primary school.  The eagerness to impress my teacher at the new skills, the keenness to make my body do what my brain wants it to do at the right time rather than random flailing movements . It's so exciting!


You people who have swum your whole lives probably have no idea what I'm talking about here!


I've never learned any kind of physical activity where it was necessary to control *all* parts of your body at the same time (apart from learning to drive a manual car - working the gear stick at the same time as the brake and the clutch, the day you get that down is a wondrous day my friends!). The only things I have done are walking and the odd bit of aerobics. Aerobics is hard, but to be honest what I do is more like organised flailing of body parts to music!  Swimming is something where you actually have to be aware at all times of where each part of your body is and the control that you a) currently have of it and b) what you want it to be doing next.


I have honestly never, never done that before as a conscious and sentient human being.


I'm very excited about learning to swim :)


A little note to all the P.E. teachers with chubby kids in their class who forget to bring their kit a lot (i.e. me) *THIS* is the enthusiasm that you need to tap into. *THESE* are the feelings that you should be instilling into those kids.  Not shame at the fact that those kids weren't able to do these things before now for what reason or another </rant about unsympathetic and useless P.E. teachers>

Sticking with it and weighin

I am sitting in my living room with a cup of coffee feeling a little bit smug, and a little bit knackered.  Partly to do with the early morning shifts I've been doing in work the past few days but mostly to do with how early I got up this morning to go to the swimming pool.

YES! Look impressed!

I got up at 7am this morning and headed straight out to the swimming pool (got up too late to eat anything I'm afraid, but it'll not kill me) and did about 30 minutes practising the moves that the swimming teacher gave me last week. I bought myself a set of goggles and a new swimsuit - one that isn't falling off me - during the week and have been really looking forward to this morning.  I was so pleased with myself for managing what I did!

The goggles made so much of a difference! I was able to see where I was going, I was able to control where I was going so that I wasn't going into the wrong lane. It was great!  

I have to say, although I'm proud of what I managed to do this morning, it has really reminded me how unfit I am. In between doing my little half lengths of the pool (still a bit frightened to go into the deep end), I was resting for a few minutes in between turns cause my body was kinda screaming at me for making it work so hard. Heart rate up very quickly! Felt incredible though. Need to learn the breathing now :D

I really want to stick with this, I can just feel it increasing my core strength and my arm strength and my control of my whole body. That's something that I am missing quite desperately really.

I'm looking at the process like learning to drive again, but driving my whole body this time.  Hoping that it will increase my coordination, balance and tone up a load of wobbly bits.  Might even help me with my desire to learn to ride a bicycle :D:D:D:D:D

Got back from my swim and a lovely sauna (sooo toasty warm) and did my weighin - 13 stone 10 and a half pounds!  (192.5lbs)  a good 2.25lbs off this week.  Very pleased.

My calorie deficits this week have been: Monday 606, Tuesday 1,076, Wednesday 980, Thursday 600. Despite eating approx 1500 everyday!

Exercise has been helping me a lot. I've had a good week with plenty of days that I've been able to do a DVD and my first ever swimming lesson and sticking to it :D it's great.

Feeling great. 

This week won't be as good I'm sure, got some crappy shifts this week, but I can feel myself starting down a really good road with this :).

I'm excited to be learning new things :)

Re-evaluate

I'm having to change my way of thinking a bit.


For the last year I've been losing weight fairly steadily at an average of about 2 pounds per week (possibly less than that if I also include my weeks of holidays), but at a bmi of obese (and indeed morbidly obese) 2 pounds per week seems to be a very healthy average.  Now though I'm merely "overweight" -  granted, only by about 4 pounds, but still, for about 4 weeks now - which means that my caloric needs to lose 2lbs per week would be 1200 a day. Now, I know that I have done quite well on 1200 calories in the past (see the majority of the side bar), but, it now seems like that's going to cause my poor abused bod to think that I'm trying to starve it. So I need to change my ways.


Having done a bit of reading around the interwebs it seems to be that 1 pound per week is about the right level once you're under the magic bmi number of 30. Which is about 500 more than I have aimed for for the past year. The thought of that number of calories frightens the life out of me, the control that I exercise over my food these days is a little bit iron fisted. I know I have eaten that in the past, but the majority of the time I've been eating around 1200 - 1600 so it's not that big a deal really. I guess this is just the next step to intuitive eating and "normality".  So lets do the sum:


BMR = 655 + (4.3 x 197.5) + (4.7 x 69) - (4.7 x 30) +20% = 1687.55+20% = 2025.06 
To lose a pound a week now will be 1525.06 calories per day.


So there we go.
That will be my new daily target. And I'm not allowed to be disappointed by small losses anymore.  It doesn't take a quick amount of time to lose weight. Remember missy, it took you 29 years to put it all on, It will be ok if it take 3 years or more to take it off.


*sigh* 
I'm completely freaked out by this, really annoyed that I don't have anyone that I can talk to about it here "Oh boo hoo you, you have to eat more food than you used to waa waa waa" but hey, lets give it a couple of months and see how it goes.


Head melt 

Onederland

Been a few days in coming this post!

This Monday I finally made it to ONEDERLAND!!!

I stepped onto the scales and was delighted to see that they read 14 stone 2 and a quarter pounds.  198.5lbs!  

*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEAM*

I can't believe I've finally made it.

Ok, I haven't *madeit* made it, I still have about 48.5lbs to lose before I hit my ultimate goal, but still.  The joys of knowing multiple units of measurement is that I get to celebrate every single little thing that I achieve :D

I have got 22 days now till my event that I started all this nonsense for in the first place and I hope to goodness the dress that I have bought fits me properly.

I have been obsessing about my little belly flap thing now for weeks.  It is the most annoying thing and I don't think it's going to get a lot better! It's that little pouch that sits just under your belly button and when you've had to lose 100 pounds or more, just hangs down by your lady place.

It's puffy and ruins the lines of your clothes.

So I have spent this entire week researching "Shapewear"  or as Sarah Millican would call it "Sucky-in Knickers"

I eventually plumped (pun!) for the BodyWrap Natural high waist shapewear pants. Cause a load of reviews (well 2) said that they were the best for the "Lower Abdominal region"  and most of the other ones that I saw were mostly to do with the tum tums.  Don't get me wrong, I need help there too, and the waist line also needs a bit of solidifying, but the lower abdominal is the region causing me the most distress. So I think those have arrived today so I will be trying those on later tonight with the dress in question and seeing what I think.

I hope it fits.  I really love this dress.

Anyway.  Onederland!  

Need to set a new target soon......Lets get to 7.5 stone off first I guess!

That full feeling

Have just made and eaten the following recipe:


http://www.cookveg.co.uk/vegetarian-recipes/recipe/chickpea-and-flageolet-bean-burgers/

Have to say, it was pretty darn tasty.  Served it with some roasted red peppers and some garlic mayonnaise as well as the warm pitta bread.


Didn't bother with the relish thing though, not too fussed on that.


Anyway, this isn't cooking school, it's my weightloss blog, and I'm wanting to talk about my food.


I ate too much for dinner. I was shovelling (yes, shovelling) those bean burgers into my face at a rate so fast it would have made a dog embarrassed.  It was something delicious that I have never had before, so that explains why.


I knew however that if i stopped when I got half way through that I would be full, and happily full. I didn't though. I kept going. I could feel my lizard brain pumping out seratonin into my system as I chewed and I didn't want to stop.


It's as simple as that, I need to make sure that the things I have available to me are weighed and measured and will not put me over my daily calorie goals.


Sadly today I had a scotch egg in a bap for lunch. That was bad. But oh so good.....

Food addiction

I apologise in advance cause this is going to be a ramble.


I've been back from the "Weekend of Indulgence"(TM) for a week and a half now. That week was supposed to have been spent on 1200 calories.


I think I maybe managed that two days out of seven - and that was only because I did a buttload of exercise that day.


Anyway, I was averaging about 1700 calories a day, which is ok as it's still below my current maintenance level.


This weekend however - though I still stuck to 1700 roughly each day - was really hard.  I was having some serious food addict cravings.  I really broke my resolve on that weekend away. Having biscuits and crisps and doughnuts and cake and all those kinds of things just on hand has kind of broken all of my will power.


I had had my lunch yesterday (a really nice cashew butter and banana sandwich seeing as you asked) and as I was finishing the last mouthful of it I had the old feeling of disappointment that the food was gone and that that was the only thing that I had had. 


Why had I had this sandwich instead of a ham sandwich? 
Is it really going to be 5 hours before I get to eat anything else today? 
Why don't we just have another sandwich and top off the tummy nicely?
If you could only make yourself sick now you could go and get something else as well!!! (DANGER, DANGER, DANGER!)


Thankfully I've never crossed into bulimia territory (ok, maybe once when I ate a cookie that I instantly regretted - but only once I swear), my problem was I liked to binge and forgot to purge at the end! 


Anyway, I caught myself thinking old thoughts of "is that all??" and really had to fight myself to not go into the kitchen and snack on plain tortillas and ham and whatever other sandwich making ingredients I could dig out of the fridge just to fight off the boredom.


I knit the entire back of a sweater to keep myself from doing something stupid :)


So in a way I'm quite pleased with myself that I managed to avoid it, but I am worried that the old, old feelings can come back so easily.


I watched myself (2 weekends ago) eating an entire bag of cheese kettle crisps. Crisp after crisp after crisp. Not even a single person bag, one of those grab bags that you're supposed to share among 6 people. I ate that whole thing. Sitting in a room with 12 other people I sat and ate that whole damn thing like a proper food addict.  So I guess this weekend was my brain going 
"Well why was it ok that weekend but not this weekend??"


BECAUSE IT ISN'T! 


Because I'm 14stone 4.75lbs and I want to be 10 stone 10lbs (may not ever actually happen, but dammit I'm not going to let a big bag of crisps totally derail me)


Because the target date that I actually started this stuff for is less than a month away now and I won't let my stupid brain ruin everything now!


*sigh*


Stupid addict brain.


I was hoping that the addiction would move at least a bit from food to exercise like it seems to have for a lot of other people who blog about this kind of thing. 


Still waiting.

Fluctuations f***tuations

Ok, so I know I'm not perfect. 


On times when I feel like it I have desserts and I overindulge in my portion size. When I'm on shifts I eat way more calories than I allow for in a day because dammit I'm awake for longer and I want to have a sandwich!!!


This week, my weight has been going bananas. Absolutely freaking bananas.


I know, I know what you're thinking, "LRD, you're a naughty girl, you're not supposed to be weighing yourself every day!! This is exactly the kind of behaviour that you read about in other peoples blogs and you know messes with peoples heads!"


ME: "Oh yeah, well, you smell!"


Yeah I know, bad behaviour, but it's something I've always done.  I weigh myself 2 times a day to make sure that everything is on track. Once before bed and once first thing in the morning (it's kinda fun to see how much you lose overnight just sleeping).  


On monday I did my official weighin and hit 200.5lbs - so near and yet so far to the next little target - and was quite pleased with that given the amount of partying and so on that has been happening over the past few weeks.


Tuesday I stepped on the scale - 204lbs.
Wednesday - 206lbs!!!!!  What the actual f**k!!!???


This morning I stepped on to the scale and she's sitting at 201.5lbs.  It's insane! I can only assume that it's because I have been partying over the past few weeks and it takes a little bit of a while for the gain that I earned to settle in and make itself known.  (gah) Also I went out for dinner with dearly beloved on Saturday night which although very nice, wasn't worth a 4lb gain!


So anyway, just felt the urge to have a minor rant about how crap my body is behaving. I have only got a month left before the wedding that I started all this nonsense for in the first place. 


I tried on the dress that I bought for it last night. I really hope I'm retaining a water butt. It just doesn't look right. I will be very disappointed.


Well anyway.  I have - to combat the fluctation monster - picked up my water intake again as that had gone to the wayside a little and trying to get back into logging my food properly. I had started guesstimating a little too much for my taste. 


Funny really, it seems that that 100lb loss mark is a bit of a brick wall for a lot of people.  Really need to get to that point and re-evaluate and start afresh like you've not lost anything at all yet I think.


I am now a 200lb person that needs to lose 50lbs, not a 300lb person that needs to lose 150lbs. It's a whole new identity and a whole new approach.


Ok this has turned into a ramble. Time for another cup of coffee.

How to really enjoy a party

Compliments.


Compliments, compliments, compliments!


This is going to be another self indulgent piece of rubbish so forgive me, but I'm feeling pleased with myself.


I went to a party last weekend. It was a wedding of a couple of friends of mine and dearly beloveds.


I wore my Calvin Klein size 14 (US) dress.  


I. Looked. Great.


I didn't look perfect, there's still a big tummy flap there and the loose skin issue is a big deal for me, but as someone really kindly pointed out to me I looked sassy and confident and by damn I really felt it!


The thing that pleased me the most though, my stamina! There was a disco, and I started dancing at the beginning, and I kept on going till the very end. I danced my little shoesies off! I was thinking back to the last wedding that I was at where I had to buy a dress from a specialist online store as I couldn't find anywhere else that would give me something formal enough in my size anywhere on the high street.


It was a lovely dress last year, but my god I was so pleased to not be that size anymore.


I have got about 3 - 4 stone to go still, but if it all had to stop now, I would be ok with it (granted not *that* ok).


So people who know people who have lost weight, compliment the shit out of them! Cause we become ravenous compliment whores, never satisfied but always enjoying the feasting.

2 Goals in a day

Well, I've had a very big couple of days.


Last weeks weighin was a little disappointing as I had a gain after a weekend away.  But I put it to one side stating water weight as the only reasonable solution (not drinking a lot of water to avoid using festival toilets and the associated queues).  


Yesterday I stepped onto the scale and was absolutely blown away with the reading.


14 Stone 5 and a quarter pounds.


A loss of 6 and a quarter pounds.


which means I'm now (*quick calculation*) 201.5lbs.


which means that I've lost 101lbs in total.


It ALSO means that my BMI is now 29.7!!!!!!!!!


I am no longer Obese.


Now I'll admit, I don't feel a whole lot different this week than I did last week. I don't think my clothes are fitting any better than they already were. My confidence is already pretty high, but to have that label taken off my ass. It's pretty damn liberating.


The one thing that's slightly annoying me however is not having anyone to share my utter joy at this with.  My mum has failed in her attempt to lose any weight, I've gotten to a point with my family that I've really stopped trying to get them to do anything. Despite the fact that my Mum is hobbling about at the moment with severe hip pain and convinced that the next family event that we have she will be stuck in a wheelchair for it.


She's already walking with a stick at the moment and she's only 55 years old.


I know how hard it is to lose weight, believe me, I KNOW! But I know for a fact that she hasn't even tried. I had to give up nights out for a long time to make sure that I was sticking to my calorie goal, I stopped drinking alcohol during the week (actually at all for a fair while till I was getting to where I wanted to be) and I know that a lot of their calories for the week comes from the couple of drinks they have at night time.


It makes me cross that she hasn't tried. 


Part of the reason that I want to lose weight is that I want to have a baby. I'm 30 years old now and I am ready to be a mom, but I want to have a healthy body to give any baby that I might have the very best start in life.  I want my mum to be around to meet that baby. I'm afraid that she's not going to be if she keeps going the way she's going.


I told her yesterday that I've lost 101lbs and that I wasn't obese anymore, she didn't say anything. No congratulations. Nothing.


I was so cross, I didn't want to talk to her.


Kinda took the shine off my day really.


I'm really looking forward to this weekend though. I get to wear my gorgeous dress I bought while I was on holiday in America! (Friends wedding)


I'm gonna look friggin amazing ;)

Doing well, but not wanting to do more. Weighin time!

It's weigh in day and my entire being is rebelling against any sort of physical activity.


I weighed in at a very reasonable 14 stone 12 and a half pounds (under the 15 stone mark! Woohoo!!!!)  Which means I only have 5.75lbs (roughly) to go till I'm not obese anymore!


It's hilarious really, you work your bum off (literally) for a year just to become overweight. Reminds me of a comedy stand up routine I saw a guy do once where he said his body fat content was higher than that of a pig. So when someone called him a fat pig he could take it as a compliment "Thank you I've been working out!"


So yeah, very pleased with that.  Back to the not wanting to do more section of this post now.  


Today is my only day off this week. I am a bit tired. I know I'll feel better if I do actually do something today, but all I want to do is sit and listen to the radio and drink tea. 


I need to get my motivation back and get some work done, cause I have so many events to go to in the next few months and so many pretty dresses that don't *quite* fit right to get into. How do you get yourself motivated? How do you kick your brain into gear and get up when all you want to do is lie around and knit yourself a jumper!?


Still, nearly not obese! That's good!

Pilates Burn

I bought myself a pilates DVD before I went away on holiday and did it once - on the only day I had available to do it on.

It hurt. In a good way.

I'm a strange person, I really like the pain that I get after a workout. It's kind of a masochistic "Well I must be doing something right" kind of feeling I get.  I enjoy hunger pangs in the same way, the only sensation I ever had in a gastic capacity was overeating pain and lack of poops (TMI? Ok).

So then I went on holiday and that pain subsided, I got on with my walking and holidaying and didn't think about burn for a whole 3 weeks.

Friday I decided was time to do some more Pilates! "It'll be easy enough this time!" thought Cockybrain. "You've done it before, it's nice and gentle!"

So I put my gear on, popped the DVD on and got down to zipping and curling and relaxing and flexing and ow ow ow ow owowowowoww!

I actually felt pretty good that evening. Even thought to myself that I'd cracked it this time and it was stupid and a waste of an hour.

Then I woke up the next morning. 

Have you ever had the burn in your legs so much that you can't sit down on the loo without leaning on the sink for help? That.

I sound like I'm bitching and moaning about it from all that, but I'm really not! I really love this feeling in my muscles,  it's like I can feel them getting stronger and repairing themselves into brand new, white hot calorie burning metabolic fireballs! 

S'great :)

Might only do it once a week though for now.  I think if I tried to do it today I might die :)

Feeling different yet?

So, I'm having some weird experiences this week.  I always thought even when I was at my biggest that I looked pretty good.  I had great bewbs, I was outgoing and fat girl bubbly, a few good friends and wore my clothes well. When I looked at myself in the mirror I was generally ok with what I saw (as long as I didn't linger on the profile view too long).  

As I started to lose weight I really didn't see much of a difference as time went past. Sure I could see that my clothes were getting bigger on me (I've had to buy a transition wardrobe recently - nothing I own fits me anymore and I'm not at my target weight yet!! Charity shops were made for this very reason I think!) but when I wear something that fits me right, I really see absolutely no difference in myself from when I started all those months ago.  

I think I must have had this ideal image of myself in my head that I was deluding myself with that I'm finally starting to fulfill.  The problem I have is, that because i'm not seeing any difference in myself (mentally) I'm thinking that I still look as rubbish as I *know* I did 10 months ago.

It's a total head melt.  I've lost 6 stone, nice and slowly, toning up as much as this used and abused body will tone up. I obviously look better from the compliments that I get from people now and again, but my evil nasty brain is looking at me thinking "You're still completely disgusting, you haven't changed at all! Look at that gut overhang! That's never ever going to go away you know! You're going to have to have someone slice into you to get rid of that! And your arms! That tricep flab is all loose skin, that'll need massive surgery to get rid of that, so you're going to have HUGE scars you stupid cow!"

Isn't my brain nice?

It's true what they say really.  This weight loss thing is 20% what you put in your mouth and 80% what you deal with in your head. Cause i'm pretty sure my head is the devil sometimes.

Shopping with the norms.

Yesterday I had a bizarre and wonderful experience.  


I decided to go shopping yesterday to try on some clothes, see how I'm doing, and maybe get some things for the summer time as all of my light T-shirts are all a size 22-24 and hang on me like a tablecloth.


So, in I went to Evans wearing my size 18 jeans and my size 20 black vest and had a look around.  First thing I noticed was the amount of large prints and long tunics that appear to be in fashion this year.  I hate large prints.  Long tunics are ok, but they do kinda drown me given how tall I am, it makes me look like I'm wrapped in a blanket.  Anyway, I digress.  Feeling brave I picked up a pair of size 16 lycra assisted (thank god for lycra!) bootcut jeans.  I also picked up 2 size 16 t-shirts and headed for the changing rooms. 


"Lets have a look and see how far I have to go to get into these bad boys" I was thinking.


Guess what.....  They only bloody fit!!  


Size 16 jeans! And size 16 t-shirts!  I was absolutely elated! I've never jumped up and down in a changing room for joy before, normally when i jump up and down in a changing room it's to try and pull a pair of jeans up over my bum!!!!!


I'm still high about it as you can possibly tell.


Then the tops, THEY FIT TOO!!! Can you believe it!? I'm officially a size 16 on top!  I am not yet counting the size 16 bottoms as evans jeans tend to be quite forgiving, plus they're a nice cut and have a bit of stretch to them, so anything linen or with no give in them will be far too small, but still.  I'm happy :)


So.  As I walking into the town I noticed H&M. A shop that I have honestly never ever been in as it only does sizes up to 16/18


I WENT IN!


I TRIED STUFF ON!


I DECIDED WHAT TO BUY BASED ON WHAT I LIKED AND NOT JUST WHAT THEY HAD IN MY SIZE!!!!!


These are feelings that people who have never had a weight problem will just never feel.


I was walking past Gap and I got a lump in my throat as I realised "Oh my god, I can go in there and actually look now!"


I'm absolutely delighted, as you can possibly tell :)


Roll on the summer holidays :D