So, I'm having some weird experiences this week. I always thought even when I was at my biggest that I looked pretty good. I had great bewbs, I was outgoing and fat girl bubbly, a few good friends and wore my clothes well. When I looked at myself in the mirror I was generally ok with what I saw (as long as I didn't linger on the profile view too long).
As I started to lose weight I really didn't see much of a difference as time went past. Sure I could see that my clothes were getting bigger on me (I've had to buy a transition wardrobe recently - nothing I own fits me anymore and I'm not at my target weight yet!! Charity shops were made for this very reason I think!) but when I wear something that fits me right, I really see absolutely no difference in myself from when I started all those months ago.
I think I must have had this ideal image of myself in my head that I was deluding myself with that I'm finally starting to fulfill. The problem I have is, that because i'm not seeing any difference in myself (mentally) I'm thinking that I still look as rubbish as I *know* I did 10 months ago.
It's a total head melt. I've lost 6 stone, nice and slowly, toning up as much as this used and abused body will tone up. I obviously look better from the compliments that I get from people now and again, but my evil nasty brain is looking at me thinking "You're still completely disgusting, you haven't changed at all! Look at that gut overhang! That's never ever going to go away you know! You're going to have to have someone slice into you to get rid of that! And your arms! That tricep flab is all loose skin, that'll need massive surgery to get rid of that, so you're going to have HUGE scars you stupid cow!"
Isn't my brain nice?
It's true what they say really. This weight loss thing is 20% what you put in your mouth and 80% what you deal with in your head. Cause i'm pretty sure my head is the devil sometimes.
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